Thursday, March 20, 2014

A Rant... against lovely flowering trees

I have to admit something.  It's not a popular opinion I hold, especially here in Georgia, where subdivisions proliferate.

Some people might accuse me of "hating nature", or even being a "flowering tree denier".

But here it is.

I loathe Bradford pear trees.

You know the ones I'm talking about, right?

 
Yeah. These.


So why do I hate a tree that is the harbinger of warmer weather?  That signals the end of another cold winter, and promises hope for spring?

#1: THEY STINK.

I'm not going to say what they *really* smell like. (Google it if you dare.)  I think they smell like a rotting deer that got creamed crossing the road up from our house.  My neighbor has EIGHT of these darned trees lined up down the property line.  So right now I can't be in the back yard without thinking "is there another dead beast in the gully?".

#2: THEY ARE A MESS.
So all those lovely white flowers.  So beautiful.  So clean and pure.  Until you have to clean them out of your garden.  Off your driveway.  Out of your gutters.  Off your car.  Out of your dog's fur (not that we have a dog, but you get the idea).  Have you ever tried sweeping up those darned things after a heavy dew or - God forbid - a light shower?  AIEEEEEEEE~

3#:  THEY ARE A MENACE TO LIFE AND LIMB.
Literally.  This point has several subpoints.  1)  Where do most folks plant these?  Near the road.  How do these trees grow?  Out.  So when you pull out of the driveway, what do you see?  Tree branches, not oncoming cars!  2) I used limb literally here.  Do you know how darned breakable these stupid trees are?  After the last snowstorm, we had pear branches all over the streets.  They snap off at the trunk, and the whole limb just lays there, waiting to kill an oncoming driver.  (And then, to top it all off, the tree looks horrendous with a whole side missing!)

#4: THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.
Look at any subdivision.  You'll see them ranging up and down the street.  No variety.  No interest. Booooooooriiing!

Just. EEEEEWWWW.

Say No to Bradford pears!!!

Want a nice alternative? How about a lovely native tree?  I really like the apple serviceberry.  It blooms about the same time as the Bradford, with lovely white blooms that have a light, sweet scent.

 
Native.  Non-stinky.  Disease-resistant.  Hardy.



Our next house, whenever we take that step again, will not have Bradfords.  If it does, I will hack them down with glee and replace them with something much more palatable!

End rant.

3 comments:

thejoneshome said...

Amen. Absolutely. We had one in our front yard, complete with dead-beast smell and scattered blossoms... until a quick windstorm broke it in half.

More thrilling was the snowstorm a few years later, which broke our neighbor's tree into three or four parts. It peeled down like a banana.

-- SJ

Abigail said...

So THAT's what causes that stink! I've been trying to figure it out. There is a Bradford pear near our place in a common area where we park.

Thanks for the enlightenment. :)

The Brain said...

We have some flowering plum trees that I can recommend instead. They may not be a tremendous improvement on the shedding front, but at least they are a brilliant deep pink instead of the antiseptic HOA-approbated off white of Bradfords. And when they do lose a limb, the wood is beautiful to mill and use for small decorative work.